205. Overcoming Scoliosis and Autoimmune Disorder - Brenda Carey

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How does the subconscious mind equate something being wrong with our health to something being “wrong with me,” particularly in adolescence?

Can pain be the catalyst to finding purpose?

Brenda Carey is passionate about guiding people to Energetically align with their heart’s deepest desire.  Her calling is to inspire others from her own personal transformation of the struggles of spinal fusion surgery and autoimmune issues. She is the creator of the holistic health program Inspired Living, and hosts the Be The Love podcast. In this episode, we talk about how her scoliosis and autoimmune issues have been great teachers for attuning to the wisdom of her own body. We also touch on other great topics, including:

• What is reverse breathing, and what is the role of the breath in healing and pain?
• How does flexibility in the body relate to being more flexible in our minds?
• How do our thoughts create more pain than the actual pain itself?
• How can you overcome the challenges that come with chronic pain in order to have a meditation practice?

www.sacredpathyogaandreiki.com

00:00.00
karagoodwin
Hello and welcome to the meditation conversation I'm your host Kara Goodwin and today I'm so excited to be joined by Brenda Carey Brenda is passionate about guiding people to energetically align with their hearts deepest desire. Her calling is to inspire others from her own personal transformation of the struggles of spinal fusion surgery and autoimmune issues. She's the creator of the holistic health program inspired living and hosts the be the love podcast. So welcome Bre I'm so happy you're here.

00:40.00
Brenda Carey
Thank you so much Kara I am excited to be here as well.

00:44.67
karagoodwin
So I was really pleased to connect with you when I saw how your health issues have been the catalyst towards becoming energetically aligned particularly considering the spinal fusion. And I know I've shared with you that my daughter has scoliosis So anytime something like this comes into my field I am like it's like a moth to a flame I'm like oh what have they been through what was their journey like because she's 12 So she's like just starting her journey. So Um I would love to hear about your journey. How you got here. You know related to the spinal fusion. But also you know in general like have you always been interested in energy and um, you know, just whatever feels like coming through.

01:35.72
Brenda Carey
So well I can definitely speak to your daughter at 12 because that was when I was first diagnosed with scoliosis and ah yeah, you know at the time I would have never have thought that that was the catalyst really for. Part of my holistic lifestyle that I've now chosen well in my 40 s approaching 50 um, but that at that age and keep in mind this was many decades ago and in the 80 s and early 90 s ah protocols were much different back then. And but I think what was a consistent message and by no means the fault of the doctors that were really trying to help me I received the message as an adolescent that there was something wrong with my back and it needed to be fixed. And so for your listeners if they're not familiar with what scoliosis is it can there are some traces of possible genetic. Um, it could be genetic but not necessarily at least not in my case and um, it's a lateral curvature of the spine. And so there becomes imbalance within the bone structure and the muscle. Um, and also the muscles along the spine and possible rotation of the rib cage. So in a nutshell it creates a lot of imbalance. Not only physically, but also in hindsight I could see that affecting me.

03:07.25
Brenda Carey
Mentally and emotionally as well. I felt like my moods also and it's you know teenage years also reflected some of that imbalance within my spine would I have known that at the time. No, but in hindsight I look back and I'm like ah there those were the little seeds. And so the doctors doing the best that they could said you know there's something wrong with your back. It needs to be fixed. The curve is getting too. Um too accentuated. Um I received it as there's something wrong with me and that I needed to be fixed and.

03:37.38
karagoodwin
Pronounce. And.

03:45.64
Brenda Carey
I carried that message with me for you know so many years after on a very subconscious level. Um, and so fast forward a little bit I didn't need to be braced I'm not sure if your daughter has had that experience but um, that was also a very. Ah, confining place to be. You know I did it was like I I lovingly called it the plastic corset and and I mean there are still some There is still bracing that so goes on to help um the curve not not become quite so great.

04:07.51
karagoodwin
Um, you did need to be braced. Okay oh gosh. Yeah.

04:25.00
Brenda Carey
Unfortunately I think what it was inevitable for me that at 19 I did need this spinal fusion surgery so they moved my spine over to straight er and then I have 2 rods on each side of my spine.

04:39.50
karagoodwin
Um, and okay.

04:39.22
Brenda Carey
And oddly enough I didn't really have any pain previous to the surgery. Um, it wasn't till I needed the surgery and then post-surgical. That's when the pain became very apparent and yes, so.

04:53.19
karagoodwin
Um, brown.

04:56.48
Brenda Carey
This I think really started my pain to purposepose journey. Although for people listening I do empathize with when someone is in a great amount of physical pain. Um, no one really wants to hear Oh you'll find your purpose.

05:14.35
Brenda Carey
In this? um I I completely empathize with that. But sometimes we do need something and for me it was the the physical pain that brought upon what was going on internally with those.

05:14.45
karagoodwin
Um, yeah.

05:34.16
Brenda Carey
Deep seated belief systems subconsciously of there's something wrong with me and I need to be fixed and so I didn't start a meditation practice right? Away. It actually started with yoga. Um, and. In my yoga practice. This was about 2 3 years post-surgery when I was having pain actually where the rods were not so more on my lower back in my neck. Never really experienced pain other than the surgical pain but then a couple years later. My ah my mom invited me to my first yoga class and she's like maybe this will help. We've heard that yoga can help with back pain and so this class was basically a reintroduction of what my body could do and could not do. And I'm not going to say that oh I loved yoga from the first class on um I lovingly tell my students I really struggled I struggled with having to figure out what my body could do now with the limitations that it had.

06:29.54
karagoodwin
Um.

06:35.30
karagoodwin
Um.

06:42.14
Brenda Carey
And then all the mental judgments that came with that. Um because I was still young then I was in my you know early mid 20 s and some of the movement. Ah you know I couldn't do with people much older than me and so these thoughts of there's something wrong with Me. Just kept flooding back in while I was on my yoga mat and so I I say I had this start stop start stop kind of relationship with yoga because of that because I really had to address and sit with in slower holding these yoga stretches. And really moving my body and trying to move it in ways that were were new to me with the limitations that I had and breathing like I think because I was braced for so long and because of the issues in my spine I wasn't breathing properly.

07:37.30
karagoodwin
In.

07:39.33
Brenda Carey
I was a reverse breather and so by that I mean like mostly when we inhale our belly you know fills up like a balloon and then as we exhale it deflates and I was the opposite and it took me so long that yoga class and those first classes were my first introduction to breathe properly.

07:56.87
karagoodwin
And then.

07:58.90
Brenda Carey
Um, because as I was inhaling my belly sucked in and then when I exhaled my belly came out and surprisingly there are a lot of people that do that. Ah as I continued my yoga and then meditation journey. There are other people that were like oh yeah I do that too. Um.

08:05.50
karagoodwin
Um, oh yeah.

08:17.56
karagoodwin
Um.

08:18.14
Brenda Carey
And that just sends a signal to our nervous system that there's something wrong. You know like when we suck in air really quickly. You know it kind of triggers more subtly but it triggers our fight or flight. Yeah.

08:26.25
karagoodwin
Um.

08:31.16
karagoodwin
Um, right? Well I'm oh sorry please I don't want to cut off your your journey.

08:34.93
Brenda Carey
No no, That's totally okay so I was just going to continue So The yoga with the breathing and then eventually meditation came in and the meditation initially was for me to watch those thoughts. And I watched the negative self-talk just fill in and I'm not saying initially it was a breeze because it wasn't but I just started noticing these patterns of oh my gosh these thoughts of not enoughness keep resurfacing these thoughts of there's something wrong with me.

09:01.70
karagoodwin
Um.

09:11.51
Brenda Carey
And it it extended more than just to back issues. But even in relationships and so as I started noticing these mental habits come up I was like oh and then I had you know a meditation teacher say are you those thoughts. Are you those belief systems that keep coming in and I really had to for the first time question that like oh I don't think that I am and so getting back to our pain can be our purpose I do truly believe that at the time though.

09:27.75
karagoodwin
Um.

09:31.76
karagoodwin
Man we.

09:44.91
Brenda Carey
I Definitely would not have seen that because the pain was so intense. Um, but as I began to address those and to sit with some of those judgments that were coming in the pain did dissolve because I wasn't tunnel visioned into I am my pain.

10:01.23
karagoodwin
And.

10:03.26
Brenda Carey
I began to see myself as so much more than the physical pain and even the painful thoughts and so that was that's kind of a nutshell of probably many years so I don't want someone to think that oh that was a few months. Oh no, that was a progression.

10:17.37
karagoodwin
Um, yeah, right.

10:19.50
Brenda Carey
Um, but how the issues of scoliosis and spinal fusion kind of piece together. What I needed um to live the vibrant life that I have now.

10:27.43
karagoodwin
Um.

10:29.73
karagoodwin
Well, what do you? First of all, thank you so much for taking us through that. There's so much insight there I'm really curious about what you make of the fact that you didn't have the pain until. The surgery and after you know until after the surgery. Um, what? What do you make of that. Okay.

10:52.16
Brenda Carey
Well, actually that's quite common I mean our our physical bodies especially as children. So if we go back our physical bodies as children are naturally flexible and resilient and so over the years my you know my body got used to my spying being out of alignment and so like the unevenness and my shoulders because mine's more in my um, upper to midback just became a part of how I carried my body and then also.

11:14.91
karagoodwin
Um, is.

11:22.80
karagoodwin
In.

11:26.17
Brenda Carey
Because I wasn't breathing properly and in a brace for so long I got used to that too I got used to taking very short shallow breaths. So our bodies are amazing. They can get used to in either way.

11:29.86
karagoodwin
Are.

11:40.68
Brenda Carey
They can get used to what we what's in our environment or what we have to put up with kind of being on survival mode and then consequently our brain also gets used to oh this is quote unquote normal. This is what has to happen and so as a child I.

11:46.16
karagoodwin
I have.

11:58.39
Brenda Carey
I just got used to that kind of way of being and so the surgery obviously did create pain and also because I was so young at 19 and in fairly good health I I mean otherwise I recovered fairly quickly.

12:14.38
karagoodwin
Um, and.

12:16.50
Brenda Carey
But it wasn't until about 2 3 years post-surgery that my body started to compensate and to a point where I do think there's a point when the body says that's enough we can't take it anymore and I think we we do that in many ways whether it's back pain.

12:25.69
karagoodwin
Doing.

12:33.89
Brenda Carey
Or any other type of issues. We'll we'll put up with the little micro changes that might not be serving us but we'll put up with that. But then there comes some kind of storm or an additional you know issue that comes in and the body and the mind go that's enough and that shows up as.

12:49.86
karagoodwin
Man.

12:53.80
Brenda Carey
Bigger symptoms or a diagnosis or disease whatever that might be um and if we're not really in tune which I wasn't back then with what was going on subtly and in my energetic body. It just compiles.

13:10.20
karagoodwin
Um, yeah, okay thank you? So were you able to manage your pain with ah with yoga and meditation.

13:11.50
Brenda Carey
And builds up.

13:22.49
Brenda Carey
Not initially I mean initially because I didn't have those tools I'll call them tools for now I did rely on prescription medication but I started to notice that I needed more to get the same amount of pain relief and.

13:25.38
karagoodwin
Who.

13:33.94
karagoodwin
Um.

13:40.32
karagoodwin
Um, I'll run.

13:41.38
Brenda Carey
This became a concern to me because I didn't want to be dependent on medication and so that's when I started looking into other alternatives and my mom suggested yoga and slowly as I became more flexible in my body and has a direct connection.

13:52.00
karagoodwin
You.

13:59.82
Brenda Carey
To being flexible in my mind and being more open to other possibilities and I think people in pain and I say this with great Love um, that that key component is missing so for not moving our bodies. In ways where we can embody openness and space and also with breathing creating space in the body our mind also follows suit. So if we're feeling contracted and tight and tense in our body our mind also contracts and we're just not open.

14:25.52
karagoodwin
And then.

14:35.57
Brenda Carey
To other ways of functioning in the world or just trying other modalities and so as the yoga started to open up my physical body and my breath body to be able to breathe more properly. My mind was more open to even eating healthier foods. And making better choices for myself. So I do feel like there is just this intimate connection between our body and our mind and they do play off one. Another.

15:03.70
karagoodwin
Yeah, well how in terms of your pain. How has your journey been so because you had that's really interesting that you were managing it through the pain through the prescriptions pharmaceuticals.

15:13.41
Brenda Carey
Journey and.

15:22.84
Brenda Carey
But it sounds that you will see that yoga as part of the journey.

15:22.88
karagoodwin
Um, but it sounds like you overcame that and yoga was part of the journey but where are where are you now and and where did the next you know the time in between take you.

15:34.64
Brenda Carey
Yeah, so again over a course of learning how to choose um to choose better habits basically daily habits instead of sitting and complaining about the pain and how bad it is and that.

15:45.16
karagoodwin
Um.

15:52.50
Brenda Carey
Tape recorder that would play over and over um, with time the yoga allowed my body to be more flexible within the limitations that it had but I started shifting and focusing on Well what can I do? What can my body do even with the metal rods in place.

16:07.22
karagoodwin
Um, money.

16:10.65
Brenda Carey
And that opened up a whole new world as I was beginning to breathe a little bit deeper and do some breath work that opened up more space and then mentally I began to start um, a meditation practice in focus like Mantra meditation I didn't I Admit. And this is still a struggle with me silent meditation is difficult. Um I tend to lean on more guided meditation. Um I Also will do like listening to different types of music to help draw my mind back but to be able to focus and be more mentally aware.

16:31.41
karagoodwin
Um.

16:39.99
karagoodwin
Um.

16:45.22
Brenda Carey
Of the thoughts that were flowing through and so eventually I be able I became able to watch the physical pain and to watch my thoughts about it because oftentimes I would exasperate the physical pain because my thoughts were saying oh my gosh. This is so terrible.

16:47.73
karagoodwin
Um.

17:03.13
Brenda Carey
How much longer is it going to be how many more days do I have to endure and so these thoughts would flood my mind and that was actually creating more of more of the overall pain than actual pain itself if that makes sense. Yes.

17:17.39
karagoodwin
Um, interesting. Yes.

17:19.37
Brenda Carey
And so I think people who are in chronic physical pain Again, we become used to that mindset and to begin to shift out of that does take some just consistency and awareness. And being able to sit with what comes in acknowledging is that mine are those thoughts coming from me. Did it come from my doctor did it come from other people recognizing that I am so much more than a physical body and to transcend and be like no I can choose. Something different for myself and so there would be these little increments and by no means am I telling someone to go from I'm in a lot of pain to I feel great I have no pain at all like that's way too big of a leap. But for me, it was just introducing little steps. So.

18:08.65
karagoodwin
Who.

18:15.78
Brenda Carey
It'll be you know what for this next hour when I feel pain I'm going to breathe a little bit deeper and maybe slow my body down and then the next hour will come so it's just in small increments till a whole day would go by eventually. Be like you know what I haven't experienced any pain and that's where I am today like yes I still do have occasional pain. But for the most part I require absolutely no, you know medication to get me through the day I am able to do and move and.

18:36.46
karagoodwin
Um, one.

18:44.14
karagoodwin
And.

18:50.95
Brenda Carey
Have the energy to do the things that I love to do um and that includes helping others and being a ah holistic Lifestyle coach for also people who struggle with whether it's physical pain or other chronic issues autoimmune as well.

18:52.91
karagoodwin
When.

19:10.80
Brenda Carey
To use the different tools to help them become more mindful of like what is going on. You know in my subconscious thinking and what needs to be addressed.

19:19.79
karagoodwin
Yeah I Love that. Thank you,? It's so it's so interesting how that subconscious belief system plays into our physical health. You know it's It's really really Powerful. So is that how is that the main way that you address the subconscious was by noticing the thoughts and then addressing the thoughts or were there other ways that you worked with the subconscious beliefs.

19:48.24
Brenda Carey
I think that was my first the awareness and being able to realize that I have choice because I did feel like a victim to my pain like the why is this happening to me and changing that to this. No this is happening for me.

20:02.70
karagoodwin
Um, and.

20:05.41
Brenda Carey
And I might not see the end result right now but it is It is a process and it is in the work so to speak so that was kind of the initial like recognizing where my thoughts would start to downward spiral when I was sensing pain and then I started learning different energy healing techniques like reiki.

20:21.64
karagoodwin
Um, who.

20:25.50
Brenda Carey
Um, so I trained in reiki and some other energy healing modalities ones related to not just japanese tradition but acupressure points in chinese medicine um energy medicine techniques with Dana Eden and started to incorporate those into my yoga practice. And it became this really powerful way of not only moving the physical body. Um, because I I mean I understand people in pain. They don't want to move and I'm saying we need to move. We're designed to move like that's how our human body is designed with with full breathing.

20:45.21
karagoodwin
Um, ah.

20:58.12
karagoodwin
And and.

21:04.64
Brenda Carey
And also work with what I would call like the subtle energies. So the the infinite self if you will and so we are so much more empowered when all of those energies come into like coherency and.

21:12.35
karagoodwin
Um, a minute.

21:22.15
karagoodwin
Um, and.

21:22.36
Brenda Carey
What I call energetically aligned to where we really want to go.

21:29.40
karagoodwin
That's Beautiful. So so Powerful. So when someone is struggling with physical pain and they want to take up Meditation. Do you have tips about how to. Be comfortable in Meditation If you're dealing with pain.

21:46.21
Brenda Carey
Yes I I would definitely say the first thing to let go of is this stigma that you have to be seated cross-legged on the floor I'm just going to say I will never be able to do that without my feet falling asleep.

21:57.26
karagoodwin
Um.

22:01.74
karagoodwin
Um, yeah, um.

22:02.99
Brenda Carey
It's It's just a part of my you know my reality and and that's okay like I had to get over the oh I can't meditate because I can't sit cross like it like that was just a message from you know the outside that that was the quote unquote right? way to meditate.

22:16.36
karagoodwin
Right.

22:20.30
Brenda Carey
Um, so oftentimes I sit in a fairly comfortable chair with back support. So I have like a lumbar support in my low back to help me sit as tall as tall as I can so I'm not slouch forward because we do that so much and that just collapses you know the diaphragm in our lungs so in order to.

22:26.00
karagoodwin
1

22:40.18
Brenda Carey
Be able to breathe bigger which most people who are in pain are breathing really shallowly so we need to open up that space in the front body to breathe nice and deep and sitting in a chair with lumbar support for the back is super important. Um, when I was sometimes in a lot of pain I would I would even meditate lying down on my bed. Um, but instead of having my legs straight because oftentimes I would fall asleep. Um I would bend my knees and just it's called like constructive Respo. So I'd bend my knees let my knees kind of.

23:00.96
karagoodwin
In. 1 woman.

23:14.91
Brenda Carey
The inner knees touch in to settle down the low back and just breathing nice and deep and just meditate while I was lying down on a soft surface like there are different ways to make ourselves comfortable, not too comfortable to fall asleep. Um, but to be in that awareness State. Um, where we can still begin to be in a place of more mindfulness. Um, Also walking is great. Um, even if it's slow walking but to be able to move forward. You know with.

23:34.21
karagoodwin
Um, a.

23:43.60
karagoodwin
Um.

23:53.42
Brenda Carey
Mindful steps can also be a great way to do like a walking type of meditation. So I think yes finding some place. Um that is comfortable. Whether seated with any kind of back support where the spine can still be as tall as needed or even.

24:00.14
karagoodwin
Um, and.

24:13.42
Brenda Carey
Excuse me even lying down is still meditation and that's what I do mention to a lot of my students. It doesn't have to be rigid upright cross-legged. Um if it causes pain.

24:26.11
karagoodwin
Yeah, Thank you I Completely agree. Um I I tend to you know I I tend to sit upright when I meditate but I also like when I'm drifting to sleep often. I will enter into a meditative state kind of so ah spontaneously you know sometimes realizing like I may because I may be seeing things where I'm like wait a minute I'm not sleeping but it's like I can see some interesting things. But sometimes it's just that you know it's It's that like as I'm passing through sleep. It's like oh this is familiar. You know this like I'm I'm not asleep yet. But I notice I know this this state. So um, it's.. It's definitely important that we address the limitations that we put on ourselves based on what we perceive and of course we may have ah people who are telling us you know that that well if you're going to meditate properly. You can't lie down or whatever. Um.

25:18.43
Brenda Carey
And.

25:34.37
karagoodwin
And you know we do want to be mindful of the of the possibilities that you know if we aren't sitting up. We might fall asleep easier and things like that like there are reasons that we sit up. But if it's going to be a preventative of saying like well I'm just not going to do it then it's like well.

25:49.85
Brenda Carey
Yeah, yeah.

25:53.34
karagoodwin
There You know there are um, you know we we can be flexible and it's more important to do the work than to do it. You know in a specific framework that we think is.

26:02.52
Brenda Carey
Exactly.

26:09.36
karagoodwin
The important thing because the important thing is actually just getting into the meditative state and what that can do to your nervous system and how that connects us to our soul and and all of those you know important things that it's It's such an important practice to carve time out for so right.

26:26.10
Brenda Carey
Yes, and it doesn't have to be long I think that was one of my apprehensions to a meditation practice. Even the word meditation can be triggering because people have preconceptions of what that looks like so I'll tend to use mindfulness practice or a quiet time. Ah.

26:26.93
karagoodwin
Yeah, yeah.

26:33.99
karagoodwin
Are one.

26:43.54
Brenda Carey
As you know alternative language for that. Um, and then once I was able to find what worked for me whether seated with lumbar support or lying down then it was my own and I'm calling myself out here my own excuses and so i've. Lovingly call myself a creative person but oftentimes that that would come out as oh I'm just too busy I'm just too active of a person to actually like sit and do nothing and think about nothing because that's what I thought you know meditation was and so I had to call myself out and be okay, like wait a minute There are so many studies I mean I don't have to go into the literature of that where meditation and mindfulness is good on so many different levels and focus and I would say for people in pain our nervous systems including our our minds are very busy. Because we're either trying to think of okay, how am I going to get rid of the pain or what next thing am I going to do should I call this doctor should I do this and so we create this inner mental storm of what what should I do next what should I do next and so focus is of great importance to be able to make decisions with calm and clarity and so I would encourage my students even if it's just for 1 minute even if your meditation practice is 1 minute that's awesome like.

28:01.15
karagoodwin
Um.

28:09.82
Brenda Carey
Just meet yourself where you are. It doesn't have to be this whole long thing that takes you know if it's you know, eventually to 20 minutes great but if it's 1 minute and you can do it twice a day It's a beautiful place to start. And it's just focusing either on a mantra like 1 word of something you do want to align with or maybe it's just following the breath. It can be so simple. Um, and so oftentimes that's usually the next barrier first one is like. I'm not comfortable because I'm thinking I have to sit cross-legged. So once that's out of the way then it's just 1 minute and maybe twice a day morning and evening to work on that focus because the mind's been so chattery with.

28:46.89
karagoodwin
Yeah.

28:57.21
Brenda Carey
All the other things of trying to figure out how this pain is going to go away that we need to begin to hone it in and breathe a little bit deeper and just be present with what is even if the what is isn't what we would ideally like it to be but it's a start. It's a start to being more present and that's when healing happens is in the present Moment. No place else and I can say that with such Authority healing never happens in the past it never happens in the future when we're trying to think of plans of what to do next. It only happens in the now.

29:22.63
karagoodwin
Nam.

29:34.55
Brenda Carey
And I think that's where meditation is the gift we can receive.

29:40.53
karagoodwin
That's really powerful I absolutely concur. Well. Good. Well what a joy to connect with you Brenda I'm really grateful that you came on and shared your story and your insights and all of the work that you're doing to help people through their pain. How can people. Connect with you and find out more about you.

30:08.25
Brenda Carey
Thank you for this opportunity I So enjoyed this conversation. Um, people can connect with me ah through my website which is sacredpath Yogaandreiki Dot Com I am also. On the social media channels as Well. I Love connecting through email I Love to write I Also some guided meditations on my website and the insight timer app. Um, and I've got some free offerings as Well. If Someone is really struggling with Scoliosis please reach out to me. Um, I do have a short video course that may be of help to them that does include meditation and then I also offer a holistic lifestyle coaching for those looking for ah a. Ah, vibrant approach to energetically aligning with how they really want to feel not just body but mind soul all the things together. So I would love to connect with ah your listeners and um, if they are. Podcast listeners I am also a co-host on be the love podcast as well.

31:20.69
karagoodwin
That's beautiful. Thank you Thank you for everything that you're doing and and thank you so much for being here today.

31:25.79
Brenda Carey
So thank you Kara.

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